


love and forgiveness

by siriuslydraco



Category: From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series
Genre: F/M, Post Amaru, kate is soul searching, seth is helplessly in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-01-21 13:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21300383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siriuslydraco/pseuds/siriuslydraco
Summary: Love and forgiveness, that's how you get through the day. Right?
Relationships: Kate Fuller/Seth Gecko
Comments: 10
Kudos: 95





	love and forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy guys! please leave a few comments x

_In the eyes of the people I love. _

The water is scolding and rapid as it pelts against Seth's naked back and his fists ball up tightly to punch against the wet tiled backdrop of the shower. He'd woken up in a state of breathlessness and had found he'd been sweating profusely as he'd tossed and turned beneath the sheets. The large shower had seemed the most logical place to dash to in an attempt to purge himself of his nightmare. 

He'd thought the water and steam would clear his head. But he just can't seem to shake the dream he's had each night-the one where Kate is bloody and dead (for good this time) and where he can't get to the tiny white church in time. His nightmare resurrects the very real events that had taken place before the gates of Hell-and he finds that the memory of Kate's declaration haunts him more. 

He stands beneath the water now, letting the scorching droplets of it pelt against his tanned and scarred skin-and it burns. But fuck it, he welcomes the sting of it when it does good to ebb away some of the fear that has been left behind from seeing the woman he loves dead and cold in a pool of her own blood. _It's not real,_ he tells himself as he clenches his teeth together, _it's not fucking real you moron_. Kate was safe because of him. For once in his sorry excuse of a life he had done something good-something _just_. 

He thinks now of how her eyes had stared right into his when she'd said those words. _In the eyes of the people I love._ Her brother had been right there yet she hadn't stared into his soul like she'd stared into Seth's.

Did she love him like he loved her? Or had she meant that she loved him the same way she used to believe her God had loved everyone? A placid sort of acceptance instead of love.

But the way she had looked at him-with those sparkling green eyes framed in the Hell bitch's eyeliner-seemed to tell him things her mouth had neglected. He had felt then in that moment that he was utterly helpless without her.

He had decided then as he'd thrown down his gun-that if she didn't walk out of this then he'd easily step into the bowels of hell to rot alongside her. 

He doesn't know how long he's been in the shower but when he eventually steps out-dripping wet and shivering-the alarm clock beside the bed says it's three in the morning. Fuck, he berates himself with an eye roll, was he ever going to get back to sleeping like a normal person? Ever since the Twister, and ever since Kate had died he had basically become a sleepless zombie. He'd be lucky if he got more than four hours a night. 

When Kate had joined him and Richie on the road they had decided to lay low for a while-well the decision had been made more between him and his brother since Kate had slowly sunk into a pit of silence. They'd rented this house for a couple weeks and paid cash upfront-and seeing Kate's eyes dance a little in excitement when she'd seen the sea in the horizon had been worth every scrape he'd gotten on his body fighting for her. 

He pulls on a pair of grey sweatpants and a white tank, and slowly begins to curse as he searches through the small clothes pile that is seated on a chair. He doesn't have much clothes with him, but that matching sweatshirt he'd bought on their first shopping stop was nowhere to be seen. He gives up his search then and leaves his room with soft steps, careful not to wake Kate who sleeps down the hallway. 

Their temporary residence is a small beach house, but it has three bedrooms which seemed to suit them fine. It was strange the first night, sharing a house with Kate but not sharing a room. He had grown so used to that. Somewhere inside of him that had been utterly naïve, had been convinced that she'd open his door a crack and ask to come in. He imagined them just laying side by side beneath the covers like they used to do in Mexico when their crappy motels would only have a room with one bed-both too afraid to even move before the other fell asleep. 

But they'd been here almost a week now, and Kate had not sought any sort of comfort within Seth._ I don't forgive you._ He squeezes the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he enters the kitchen, his eyes closing shut momentarily as he tries to rid more of Kate's past words from his mind. Did Kate truly not forgive him for any of his wrong doings? He believes deep down he doesn't deserve any of her love or forgiveness but it still hurts when he remembers the pain in her green eyes as blood had dripped from her nose and mouth. I don't forgive you, she had said to him, but that was okay because he couldn't forgive himself. 

He stops dead in his tracks when he senses movement in the corner of the room- but before he can berate himself for leaving his gun back in his room, he spots a shadow of long red hair and sees the glimmer of green eyes poking through the darkness. 

"Kate?" Seth says as he regains his composure and begins to move towards the kitchen island-he doesn't take his eyes off of her. She sits perched on the cushy bench that rests underneath the wide glass window that is opened just a crack. Her fiery tendrils blow gently in the sea breeze that creeps through the air and even from where he stands, Seth can hear the ocean down by the cove as it crashes against the shore. It's a small semblance of peace for her among all the madness that is her life. 

"I couldn't sleep" she mumbles softly to him but turns her eyes away from him and towards the horizon that is too obsidian for her to see this time of night. He eyes her carefully as he begins to fill the kettle with water and he notices that she is paler than he's ever seen her, and her eyes-those fabulous eyes of moss green that he would drown in-are rimmed with scarlet red. 

He had spent enough time on the run with her in Mexico to know the reason behind those eyes. She'd been crying. 

"Neither could I" Seth answers her, and he has to stop his heart from crashing through his chest when she stands up from where she sits- her frame that had been shadowed in darkness now coming to stand in the dim lighting of the kitchen area. Cloaked around her small frame is Seth's missing sweatshirt "you stole my sweater?" 

"Yeah" she shrugs nonchalantly like it was a daily occurrence for her to take his clothing "it smells like you" 

"That a good or bad thing, princess?" he asks her playfully with a raise of his eyebrow but she doesn't answer him as she hops onto the counter.

Seth's eyes quickly avert from her bare thighs that are revealed more when she shifts herself into a sitting position, but it's not gentlemanly instincts that cause him to look away from her exposed legs. It's the fear that creeps up inside of him when he eyes how many bruises are dotted along the expanse of pale skin. It's the horror of imagining what exactly she had been through under Amaru's control that makes his eyes shut momentarily. He opens them and sees her beautiful face in front of his- her features etched with a concern that is so Kate, it stifles him. 

"Why couldn't you sleep?" Kate asks him softly, her eyes so filled with a concern that almost chokes him. Here was the girl who'd been possessed by an entity from Hell itself and she was asking _him_ why he couldn't sleep in the sweetest goddamn voice he'd ever heard. He almost feels like telling her to revaluate her priorities or letting her know that he was not important at all- but the words get stuck somewhere in his throat and he can't quite seem to spit them out.

_In the eyes of the people I love,_ the words run through his mind once again and he is back trying to dissect them. Kate had looked at him in that cave the same way she looks at him now- with a shimmering light in her eyes that makes him feel like a somebody. Like he matters. _Does she love me? _He shakes his thoughts from his head quickly.

"Nightmare" he manages to mumble out "do you want some tea? And hey I could ask you the same question about why you're up so late. Nightmares too?"

"Yes please, and no, no nightmares" she almost whispers the last part and he's not sure whether or not to believe her, but there's something dancing in her emerald eyes that screams a real sort of pain, and not the kind of fear that is driven forward by the darkest imaginings that are conjured late at night.

A comfortable sort of silence- one they'd become accustomed to in Mexico - settles over them then, and the only sounds in the open kitchen are the ones Seth makes as he sets about making tea. He knows exactly how Kate takes it, and misses the smile on her face as she watches him make it just right for her. 

"You wanna sit with me?" Seth asks her in that gravelly voice of his, nodding towards the window seat she had been frequenting when he'd found her. She nods her head silently and makes to move off the counter in a fluid movement but Seth's strong hands are around her waist in an instant, steadying her fall onto her feet. 

It's like in that instant he understands how much his soul and body craves her closeness because he feels just about ready to faint when he feels the deep shudder of her chest off his stomach. He wants to take her in his arms and hold her so tight she becomes a part of him-but he just looks into her eyes dumbly for a moment and lets her go- his trembling hands removing themselves from her waist to grab the cups of tea from the counter. 

She follows him silently towards the window seat and accepts her cup of warm tea from him with a grateful smile- a smile that would make a more romantic man swoon. But Seth just sits in awed silence- his dark eyes surveying her over the rim of his own mug and wonders if his heart will ever become accustomed to the fact Kate Fuller owns it. 

He can hear the ocean crash against the jagged rocks that jut out by the shoreline and rush over the wooden pier that sits near the house. It's a peaceful noise that settles him greatly and he listens to the gentle hum of nature at work, studying Kate as she lets her eyes focus out the open window.

He loves moments like these when she's so oblivious to the fact that he's tracing every inch of her face and dedicating her beauty to memory. He loves her softness that is reflected in her features- the way her pale skin rounds out and the pleasant curve of her cherry lips. He watches as she tucks a strand of long red hair behind her ear. She hasn't expressed wanting to change her hair yet despite the fact he had thought she would want to be rid of any trace of Amaru- but perhaps she feels like looking at her true reflection so soon would be like being born all over again. 

"You like it here don't you?" Seth finds himself asking her as he observes the peace that falls over her face as she listens to the crash of the ocean. She turns to look at him then- her green eyes not as sparkly as they used to be but still managing to cast a spell over him. 

"It's quiet here, I've needed that since everything has seemed so loud for so long" Kate murmurs as she drops her eyes to her hands that are wrapped around her mug of tea. 

He knows exactly what she means when she talks about loudness- god only knew his own head had been full of screaming thoughts the last few months without her- yet even now the massive echo of nightmares and demented memories scratch at the surface of his brain. Seth can't imagine what it's been like for Kate though, and he swallows a gulp of tea thickly when he remembers how she woke up screaming their first night here. Both he and Richie had run into her room to see her thrashing beneath the covers- pale skin and roaring red hair damp with a fine layer of sweat. 

She had woken up to see both brothers staring down at her with almost identically worried expressions on their faces, but it was Richard who she gravitated towards. It was Richard who had brought her down to the pier in the darkness to sit and talk. Seth had stayed behind and had agreed he would never voice aloud how in that moment he had felt his heart break. But even then he couldn't hold it against her. He knew if there was anyone else who'd understand having your mind controlled- it was Richard.

Those memories of hers- of killing and scheming and being a prisoner in her own body had tormented her even in sleep, and as he gazes at her now he knows they follow her even when she's awake.

"Well we're here for another while yet, princess. We can stay here for as long as you want" his voice mixes with the distant crash of the waves and Kate's eyes of emerald green lift slowly to his. 

"You've done so much for me, Seth" she tells him with a small furrow of her brow like she is trying to decipher why on earth he'd ever try to care for her.

_I love you,_ he wants to declare. But he just sits before her- still as a statue- and stares back into her eyes.

"I'd do anything for you, Kate" Seth voices with such conviction that it nearly knocks him off his ass. It's not an I love you, but it's close enough. 

"You don't have to, you know. Neither you or Richie owe me anything, and if you want to leave me again you can. I'm alive thanks to you" Kate says, her voice strained almost "you don't have to stick around out of guilt or whatever" 

Seth can't seem to find his voice for a full minute, and instead just stares at her as a range of different emotions course through his body. He feels an undeniable sting reverberate deep in his chest when she says _leave me again_, and the memory of flinging a bag full of money in her direction and walking away from her on a dark Mexican road comes back to haunt him. He can see that the same memory, and the same level of pain swims itself in her eyes as he stares into them. Then he feels a slight tremor of anger roll through his body. Anger at her for even considering the thought that he helped her because of....._guilt_. 

Whatever guilt Seth Gecko held within because of Kate had long been pushed down when he'd decided to face the wrath of Hell for her. He hadn't fought to get her back because he was guilty. He hadn't tried to pull an entity of evil from her body because he carried regret inside himself over what happened to her father and brother. He hadn't walked to the gates of Hell with her because he felt bad he'd played a part in the Fuller family's destruction. 

He saved her because he loved her. 

Could she really not understand that? Had she not been there when he was so desperate to save her? Had she not seen the determination in his eyes and the _love_. Jesus Christ, he had wanted to die with her if somehow she would not have returned from Xibalba. 

"That's not why I.....why we tried to save you" Seth shakes his head at her and watches as her face remains blank- but her eyes are glinting slightly with the way the moon flickers in through the window. He can see something in them then that reminds him of the way she'd gazed at him before entering the bowels of Hell. 

"Kate, I've done a lot of thinking. A lot of repenting, in my own way I guess. I _don't_ forgive myself for the things I've done in my life, but I've accepted them because I can't fucking change them, you know? I have guilt inside me that I'll carry for the rest of my life, but that was not the driving force on why I wanted to save you, alright? I didn't stick a line from my arm to yours because I wanted forgiveness in the eyes of god or some bullshit" Seth stands then, his cup abandoned on the window ledge and he now uses his hands to wave around like he normally does when he talks "I did it because that's what you do for people you.....care about, alright? And God knows I didn't do it because I wanted forgiveness from you. You made it pretty clear you'll never forgive me" 

Green eyes. Red hair. Red as the blood that had poured from her nose and mouth. Two hearts broken. 

_I don't forgive you._

The memory stings Seth unbelievably harsh and he backs away from her. 

"Seth...that wasn't....I didn't mean what I said then" Kate stands from the window seat but doesn't move towards him. She just stands like the pictorial image of an angel with her ivory skin and ruby red hair blowing softly around her face "I was hurt and angry, and she was still using my memories against me and twisting them, and I didn't know what to believe anymore. Seth, you have to know I didn't mean it" 

"Look princess, let's not do this tonight, alright?" Seth tells her but he can see she's having none of it when her eyes lock determinedly on his. She's used to his deflection- had grown accustomed to it in Mexico whenever she tried to broach touchy subjects- but this is not some crappy motel room in the Mexican dirt. 

"No we're doing this now, because I need you to understand that I forgive you. For everything. All of it" Kate emphasises her words steadily- more serene than he thought she was able for this point in time "I've thought about this since I came back...it's the reason I haven't slept so great these past few days. I thought about those words I said to you, and I realised I didn't mean them. I really didn't mean them, Seth, because I _do_ forgive you. Because it's not your fault, how could it be? How did you know any of this would happen? You left me on that road and I went back to Bethel, I could have stayed there and lived my life but I didn't. That's on me" 

"I don't deserve forgiveness, Kate" Seth shakes his head at her as she moves a little bit closer towards him. 

"I don't care if you think that because it's mine to give" Kate stands before him now- tiny and radiating a warmth that seems to burn right from her hair- Seth can't help but sigh "this might sound crazy to you, but I think we were meant to meet. It was fate that we all ended up saving the world essentially" 

"Yeah, you're right. It does sound crazy" Seth scoffs sarcastically, although he bristles a little where he stands. Something- like the faint echo of a whisper- had prompted the same idea in his head not so long ago. But he had pushed it deep down within himself. He had thought then that it was his subconscious coming up with an excuse for all his wrong doings. 

"Everything happens for a -" 

"If you say reason, Kate....so help me God" 

"All I'm saying is I believe that we were meant to cross paths in life, Seth Gecko. And we did in not so ideal circumstances. But is that really so bad? When we saved the world from facing a demon like..._her_" Kate says (she still won't say Amaru's name) and for a moment Seth just stands still with his arms folded over his chest. 

"Meeting you? I'd say that was probably the greatest heist I ever pulled off" Seth tells her quietly, feeling completely floored when her eyes sparkle as she smiles up at him. 

"Heist? You didn't steal me, you idiot" she almost laughs but the sound she lets out is breathy and light. Seth hasn't heard her really, truly laugh in months- long before Amaru even entered her body. But this is a start. 

"I did the first time" he tells her, something soft and tentative coming over him as he brings a large hand to tuck a piece of red hair behind her ear. He may have taken her hostage when they'd first met, but Kate Fuller had stolen something from Seth too. That aching muscle that now beats sporadically beneath his chest is completely and utterly her property "but I don't understand why you would willingly forgive me. And please spare me the kumbaya bullshit" 

There's a fight battling on inside of her.

He can tell that much by looking at her. She holds the same expression on her face that she had displayed so many times in Mexico when they would argue or when she was trying to hold back her opinion on some stupid plan Seth would propose. It's the same look she had back in Matanzas when she was ready to walk blindly towards her death. But what she's fighting inside of her is lost on Seth until she speaks. He realises then that she had been deciding whether or not to voice her words aloud.

"You know why" her voice is quiet, and so, _so_ soft that it makes his heart constrict in his chest, and her cheeks are starting to grow pink "you were there in that cave when I said who's eyes I sought redemption in. You remember what I said, right?" 

_In the eyes of the people I love_. Seth's mouth becomes as dry as a barren landscape and his eyes focus in on her angelic face that peers up at him from her height. She has her hands clasped together almost defensively and that blush on her cheeks keeps growing deeper by the second. Seth automatically takes a step closer to her, but that nagging pessimist in the back of his mind keeps trying to convince him that Kate's words had been friendly- familial perhaps- nothing more. 

She loved Scott, and she loved Richard. He knew that. But was he just another male figure in her life that she loved in a brotherly- fatherly- sense? Or did she want him like he wanted her? 

"You said you were seeking redemption in the eyes of the people you loved" Seth answers rather breathlessly, his heart banging against his chest with the impending finality of the situation. This conversation could go two ways. Kate could tell him she _loved_ him, or that she only really cared for him in a way she cared for her sibling and for his. 

"I said that because I love you, and you forgive the people you love, Seth. That's the reason I forgive you" Kate's voice is so shaky and quiet- so different from the leering way her voice had carried itself when Amaru had been possessing her. It's so gentle and so _Kate_. 

Love and forgiveness. That's how you got through the day. 

He doesn't know how to respond, because his mind is whirling so fast with thoughts that his mouth can't seem to catch on to one to blurt out.

Seth feels like a goddamn teenager with the way his hands are shaking, and his heart is beating so fucking fast that he feels he might just pass out right here in this kitchen. And Kate is so beautiful and so small, and she's right there. Right fucking there. Alive. Kate Fuller. His Kate. His girl. 

But he just stands dumbly looking into her emerald eyes because that horrid cynic that oddly sounds like his father is leering at him from the back of his mind. 

Seth isn't an idiot. He knows deep down Kate loves him, but what kind of love is it? He'd feel a fool to ask her just in case he got shot down. He thinks if Kate turned to him and told him, no I love you like a friend or a brother, he might just walk out to the shore and drown himself.

But before he can decide whether to make a spectacle of himself in front of the beautiful woman before him, she speaks. 

"Seth, say something. Please" Kate begs him, and Seth wonders just how long he's been in this state of dumbfounded silence "I've just told you I love you, and you have nothing to say?" 

He can see the hurt flicker across her face then and her pouty lips droop in a frown. Her eyes begin to dim of all hope but before the glittering green light can be snuffed out completely- Seth brings his large hands to her face. 

"You love me?" he asks her, almost embarrassed by the way his voice shakes "like how you love Richard, or Scott?" 

God, Seth Gecko you are one fucking idiot. 

"I've loved a lot of people in my life. But I've never been in love with them. Not like how I'm in love with you" Kate tells him in all her softly spoken glory, and the way the twinkle in her eyes comes back almost as soon as he smiles is the driving force of what makes him place his lips on hers. 

She's soft and passionate in his arms, and he's mindful not to hold her too tight or push her too hard because even though she's too brave to admit it, Kate is still damaged around the edges. Seth doesn't care about that, only cares about getting her through it and keeping her safe and as he kisses her softly on the mouth he feels her sigh against him- like she finally feels at peace after so long. 

"I've spent every night since that cave going out of my mind wondering what you meant when you said all that" Seth tells her breathlessly when he pulls away "I didn't know if you loved me the same or if......If you just saw me the same as everyone else" 

"I never saw you like anyone else, Seth. It's you, it's always been you. That's why I believe we were meant to meet, somehow, because you're meant for me" Kate declares, her breath uneven and her hands winding themselves around his neck. She gets shy then and drops her eyes to his chest as she speaks in a whisper "do you love me too?" 

"Do I love you? Baby, you're everything to me" Seth tells her and in a flurry she's pressed against him again- warm bodies mingling the same way his blood had partnered with hers. A constant reminder that they're one shared soul. Seth believes that fully now when her tongue slips past his lips and her fingers thread in his hair. 

I love you. I love you. I love you. He repeats it over and over again, and neither of them tire of hearing it. He declares it against her lips as they stand kissing in the kitchen. He whispers it to her as he carries her into his room and lays her down on the bed. He says it as he trails his lips against her scorching skin. 

He loves her completely, and whatever redemption she had sought in his eyes is completely and utterly vindicated. Seth on the other hand feels like his own errors are still not absolved, but Kate and forgiveness seems to come as a package deal and she gives it fully and freely to him without asking for anything in return. 

Seth knows as he holds her and loves her, that he will spend the rest of his life repenting if it means he gets to deserve Kate Fuller somehow. 


End file.
